it ends tonight

the nocturnals

the staff's happy hour

the city that never sleeps eh?

the special one

come and get me

unappreciated

solitude

solitude, with loose drawstrings

life's too short for vendettas

revolutionary road

i've had a paradigm shift. this blog will change to incorporate more photos and less words. it's better to be forward-looking. i've got my life to plan, and my epitaph will contain more useful words than:
'. . . and he was emo most of the time.'

i was involved in a constructive topic with dad last night. once i get my essays out of the way i'll be researching more on the topic to better advise him. i'm not going to spend time pursuing mundane little nitpicks.

i feel cold.

cold to the core.

oh shit

have i just made the biggest mistake of my life? did i evaluate it the wrong way?

has the milk been spilled?
yes.

can i undo it?
probably not.

am i even justified in thinking i held sway over anything?
probably not, too.

then why the sudden pang of anguish and regret?
because like any soldier on the battlefield, it helps to know what you're dying from, rather that passing into oblivion without a clue.

i foresaw it

one day i ran out of novels to read at home; i'd finished all the tom clancy and michael crichton thrillers at least twice. and all the zombie books. i was browsing through my selection when i came across two titles: why men don't listen and women can't read maps, and why men don't have a clue and women always need more shoes. by barbara and allan pease.

whenever i went to bookstores i used to shun the self-help sections because i believed they were for losers or girls. besides, i started on the first book twice and never managed to finish it. i only bought them in an attempt to salvage my previous relationship. apparently that didn't happen, so i thought it was all a bunch of crap.

anyway, some days ago i blew the dust off the first book and started reading it again.

this is but a taste of the lively illustrations featured in said book

yes, men are programmed for sex, and women don't get caught ogling only because they have wider peripheral vision.

advantages: this book is all about the differences between men and women, the way we evaluate and react to given situations. it's about relationships, dude.

disadvantages: your bang comrade's gotta read it too, otherwise you'd be wasting your time. that's why i gave up twice. but you can't make him/her read it against his/her choice. i tried that twice too.

lots of things they said are true with most people. it's fascinating, to say the least. i'm majoring in human relations now, so it'll probably help me in more ways than one.

maybe i'll learn something of value this time.
oh well.

what's with this emo shit

i've reviewed my blog of late. i must be the only loser around who does that... anyway, i realised the more recent posts are always about dismal stuff.

i'm like what, 26 this year? and i'm behaving like a 500-year-old vampire weeping about the catastrophic loss of the horse-drawn carriage. shit. i'm too young for this shit man.

nothing in the world's going to change in the near future no matter what i rant about here. the fucked up drivers are still gonna be there. crime rates are not gonna decline. most governments are still gonna be inefficient. and hey, if you think about it, my wardrobe's still not gonna change too. seriously, if my classmates see me wearing that jumper one more time they're probably gonna flip out and stab me. but i've no inclination to spend money on clothes cause i've got no interest in those affairs.

and i always seem to sidetrack. anyway what i mean is the world changes. and so do people.

i used to think a person is defined by his possesions, that's how shallow i was. sure i drive a peugeot, but why am i so proud of it if i didn't contribute a single cent to it? and it's like that with a shitload of people out there too. i'm just lucky i've got a doting mother and a generous father. i've been meaning to give it back to her and drive the new altis, cause i think the pug is still better. but if i tell them that they'll think i'm eyeing that altis just because it's new. ...and i'm sidetracking again.

i think as long as you work hard to get whatever it is you want, you've already accomplished something. à la linkin park's what i've done and in the end (hey, just because it's a song don't make it not true. i mean the titles here, not the lyrics). and you don't even have to achieve that goal in the end. it's just a goal, and goals can change too. what matters is you worked for it.

having said that, i'd like to point out one other thing. getting a Ducati does not constitute as an accomplishment for me. it's merely my little shoutout to the world: i paid for it, you young ferrari/lamborghini driving children, not my father.

okay i'll be serious. what i really want to accomplish in this life is to visit as many places as i possibly can, live and work there for maybe 3 to 6 months, learning the culture and taking a piece of each place home with me in the form of pictures. like being a citizen of everywhere and nowhere, a person who sees the world, really sees it. yeah, that's my dream life right there.

home... i still haven't decided where that's gonna be yet. i've to take into account my imaginary offspring; what's the best form of education they're going to get, and so on and so forth. assuming my imaginary wife's cool with it.

i'm probably still gonna bitch about the potholes of my daily life, but that's just it. think of this blog as a depiction of my feelings and musings at any given moment. the feelings don't last, people. come on, get real, this isn't my whole life okay? stop looking at it that way.

i keep getting this feeling i'm on the brink of some revelation here, but i still can't see past the precipice to whatever's on the other side.

no matter, really. i've another year or so to refine and improvise my dream. and set it in motion.

and another thing. my entries always seem to get too long. i have the uncanny ability to come up with bullshit to fill up my blog posts, but the ability uncannily deserts me in exam halls when i need it most.
working on it.
maybe a smaller font size.

it's all a farce

sometimes i think it'd be better if the world consisted of villages instead of cities. it'd be so much simpler for everybody.

human nature, it's grotesque.

stop the wars. stop the lies. stop the hate. stop the anger. stop the envy. stop the pride. stop the greed. stop the racism. what's the point of so much education if we can't even get past ourselves? what's the point of success if we insist on being so bigoted?

but we can't, can we? we can't stop these traits because they're what make us human. they'll be our downfall because we're too blinded by them to see where we're going as a species.

can we evolve past this stage already?

i just want to go away and never come back.

australia sounds good, somewhere like alice springs or darwin.
so does nepal, actually. i could be a mountain guide or something.