humour in the class

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at today's lecture, the lecturer was trying to make a marketing point.

lecturer: wat car do u guys wanna buy when u go out to work? wat's ur dream car?
me: audi!
lecturer(forgot to set the parameters): not with ur father's munny hor, class! with ur own munny!
me: chery!

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sport cars

the other day i was out having a family dinner. this evo turned into the multistorey carpark looking for a lot. there was a chick in the passenger seat. then the driver saw me looking at them as i got outta the altis. his eyes oozed with jealous contempt cuz he thought i was ogling at his girl or his car. i saw that n laughed out loud.

say u decide to get the sport car u always wanted. gtr, fairlady, wrx, evo, r32, watever.

then wat? do u seriously think having a car like that makes u more handsome or charming or desirable than u were before?

u're no more special than u were when u were taking a bus. u r not ur car. a car is only a fucking mode of transport. u dun have to act like all the other drivers around u r invisible.

i dun need a stupid 1000000th year limited edition ev-wr-35000000z type ass with 45inch rims or an exhaust i can put my head through. i dun need girls who'd only approach me if i were to drive one either. fucking tagalong bimbo airhead bitches. so that evo dude can keep his whore.

y do i wanna zhng the altis? cuz i'm happy enough with it that i dun need an uber sport car. all i wan is to make it look a little more aesthetically pleasing so when i drive it i feel more song. i know it ain't never gonna enter any competitions, but i'm not the kinda guy who'd zhng a car to the max anyway. i just like to do wat suits me.

i'm not shallow enough to think driving a sport car wud make me any more appealing to girls.


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signallers

so u're in a car. as a typical singaporean, u'll be in a hurry. cuz u took too long to pick ur nose, bite ur toenails, comb ur armpit hair, or do watever it is u do to make urself presentable. so u'll be driving at let's just say, 70 on the roads n 100 on the expressways? that's obviously a conservative figure cuz most people go above that.

now let's take a moment to appreciate ur immediate surroundings. u're in a car. u've got a roof for shelter n 4 wheels for stability. u're free from rain, dirt, exhaust fumes, dust, pebbles, bugs, cigarette butts, oil, tree branches, n spit, just to name a few.

so then u're travelling on the extreme right lane, cuz obviously u're late n u dun wan ur fine friends to have to wait too long for u. but then u realize the vehicle in front of u is a little too slow for ur liking. so wat do u do?

well the logical thing to do is to turn ur steering wheel a little to port side, sail past the annoying little driver who's hogging the lane, then swing it back to starboard n hey, u've overtaken the idiot who can't drive. now u check ur watch. wow, u've managed to shave off one or two seconds.

but then wat's wrong with this picture? oh yes, u din signal. so let's just put aside all the natural dangers i was talking bout earlier on n focus on just the signalling. so u din signal n u expect everyone else to know when u're overtaking.

just how stupid is that?

let's see. ur seat has a back to ensure ur driving experience isn't a torture. u've got air conditioning in the car to ensure u dun break a sweat when u lift one fucking finger. but let's not forget the most important point people. the signal lights r there in the first fucking place, retards.

i dun fucking care whether u injure or kill urselves in an accident. to me that's a relief, cuz i got one less mofo to worry bout. but wat about the other road users u with ur puny imbecilicalistic mentalities drag down with u? u might get away with this a million times, but the one time u dun, that's it.

i'm not being pro-gov here. this is just common sense. i like riding. but y do my parents forbid me from doing it? y is my riding gear looked upon with such disapproval except when they're on the shelves? y do i have to be so goddamn sneaky in my own home when i'm preparing for a ride?

when i get my class 2 license, n i will unless i perish aforehand, i'm gonna get me a liter bike. y? cuz i fucking have to, that's y. anything less is inadequate in this country, cuz i need the extra horsepower to escape those fuckers who think all the roads belong to them.

cabbies r enough of a menace, but then i can just stereotype them all into one neat package n watch myself when i'm near them. but wat about the everyday cars? i'll never know who the fuckers r. i've already got enough things on my mind as a biker, n i dun need this shit.

i'm not even talking about those who speed, drink, or drive without a license. will saving that insignificant amount of time mean anything from inside ur cell? for killing someone just because u wanted to avoid a little chiding? a little too late to recite ur hail marys or ur 南無阿彌陀佛s by then, ainnit? a few years of freedom for a few seconds of speed. fair trade? shiok right? the singaporean sense of priority is seriously fucked up.

oh, those drivers who signal at the last minute, like flash the signal light only one time, ain't any better. fuckheads.